just the way
by baby hosey
Summary: My new poi rinch fic Angst all the way but will end happy. John ans finch hit problems in their relationship but can it be fixed As always rated m for later chapters Beta read by my other reader theory G
1. Chapter 1

"John, I think you need glasses. Shall I lend you mine?" asked Finch, disturbing John from his moment.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Harold Finch. You are amazing. Like the song says."

They were laid in bed listening to John's iPod on his new docking station Finch had bought him. He'd loaded some lovely songs for the moments they got when they weren't working, and he thought this song very appropriate.

"If you say so, but I'm sure you need the glasses. I'm none of the things you say I am." Finch argued, clearly being defensive.

"Apart from the bit, ummm… 'I know when I compliment her, she won't believe me'. That's true"

"Yes, it is. And it's appropriate 'she'..."

"That's not funny." said John, shaking his head "I don't want or need a she, I have what I want with you."

"If you say so."

John knew Finch was insecure about how looked and how he was perceived by others, even by John.

"Harold, what do you see when you look at me?" John asked, slightly deflecting the moment from finch

"I see... A waste." said Finch, sounding sad.

"Why am I a waste?" John demanded, now feeling defensive himself.

"You are not a waste, John, but your wasted being with me."

John had heard this too much from Harold and it had grown to irritate him. He then knew no amount of romantic gestures, or presents, or loving songs would change how Finch saw what they had. John loved Finch, and would die for him, but Harold couldn't see it, and the more he tried, the worse it would get.

The last time they'd had sometime together, John had got some wine, cooked an amazing dinner, which they ate by candlelight, and he'd covered the bed in rose petals. It was amazing. He'd never done this for anyone else before. And what did finch do?... Nothing... He sounded like he appreciated the gesture, but he clearly wasn't happy.

"I'm not worth all this," Was what he'd said, which kicked John, hard.

Now he'd had enough. He'd tried – he'd even tried to not try – but it was useless.

John sat up and swung his legs out of bed. "Right, whatever. I've had enough." He stood and started to find his clothes

"Where are you going?" Finch asked, sitting up.

"Anywhere your not," John replied bluntly.

"What? Why?"

"I've had enough and I'm not doing this anymore."

Finch just looked at him.

He put on his pants then shirt.

"Six months and still we go around the same bloody song and dance every fucking time. I'm not doing it anymore. I can't do it anymore. As of now, it's over. I am Mr. Reese at all times with you and only at work. No number, no contact. I can't do this anymore so I'm drawing the line."

"Why? Because I'm cautious and I don't understand what you see about me?"

"Because of it all. I'm not doing this all anymore. You change, and maybe it'll turn back but I'm not helping anymore."

"What if I can't change?" Finch looked close to tears, which killed John, but he hurt so much and he needed this to stop. It was for the best.

He put on his coat.

"Then you'll be lonely forever." He said and turned to leave. He arrived at the bedroom door, hand on the knob.

"I need you, John" Finch cried out, tears pouring from his eyes.

"If that's true, you will change. You'll realize I love you and I need you, but I can't carry on with you like this. You're worth so much and until you see it, I'm not seeing you outside of work." John turned the knob and stepped out the door.

Pulling it shut, he then leaned on it. "I love you so much it hurts, but you hurt me with your-self hate more." He whispered to the door. He could hear finch sobbing inside, but he had to leave and he did…


	2. Chapter 2

A couple of days passed with no word from him. It hurt John. He did need Finch, but he didn't need the pain.

His cell rung and he answered,

"Hello,"

"Hello, Mr. Reese," came Finch's voice, sounding uneasy.

"Finch,"

"I h-have a... Uh…a number. Can you come in?"

"Yes. See you soon." and John hung up.

Finch's uneasiness and struggle to speak hurt him, but he needed to keep up the distance.

He made his way across town, feeling sick. He'd missed seeing Finch so much and was worried about what he would be greeted with upon arrival.

He walked up the stairs, eased the door open slowly, only to have the atmosphere hit him like a boulder. He carefully walked through and found Finch in front of the screen, placing more pieces of paper up.

"A-afternoon, Mr. Reese"

"Afternoon, Finch. What have we got?"

Finch detailed the man and his background.

"Ok, I'll be in touch." John turned around to leave.

"Be careful." said Finch, surprising Reese

"I always am." John replied, and walked out.

Outside, he wondered why Finch said what he had. And what had he meant? He was always careful. He was the best at his game. Maybe Finch just felt he would be distracted, but he wasn't, he wouldn't let it. This wasn't his problem, it was Finch's, and only he could make it better.

He tracked down the number and got engrossed in his work, only calling Finch if he had to and the same seemed to apply for Finch.

"It's sorted," John said when it was done

"So I see."

"Call if you get another. Bye." He was about ready to hang up when he heard,

"John..."

It hit him hard. He wasn't John to him anymore "Yes?"

Silence came over...

"Finch, what?"

"Nothing. Go get some sleep"

"Right," John said, and he hung up, shaking his head.

He got home and got into bed. As soon as he laid down all he could hear was the way Finch called his name. It sounded different, but he couldn't place how. It annoyed him. It upset him and it kept him awake.

Days passed and he barely functioned, he couldn't eat or sleep, all he did was drink and think. He laid in bed needing Finch. He needed to see him, to feel him and he couldn't manage anymore. He got up and paced the room. He knew in his gut if he stormed into wherever Finch was and kissed him, it would end up in the bedroom, but what would it solve? Nothing, it would make it worse. He got back into bed and settled for pleasuring himself.

He was getting close and he was getting breathless when his cell went off.

"Yes?" was all he managed and stopped pumping

"H-hello, Reese."

"Hello,"

"Have I disturbed you?"

"No, its fine. A number?" He could hardly say, 'Yes, I was in the middle of pleasuring myself,' could he?

"No. No number."

"All right…" said John, wondering.

"Can we meet for breakfast tomorrow?"

"Why? It's breaking what I said."

"I...I know it is, but we need to talk"

"Why? Have you changed?"

"John, I'm trying to, but I need help. I need to know a few things. Please?"

It hurt John; he did need to see Finch, but was this the truth?

"Ok, I'll meet you."

"Thank you. Ten at the usual place?"

"Yeah, ok."

"See you then."

"Bye." And John hung up. He'd now lost the feeling and need for pleasure, so he turned over and just lay thinking, wondering if Finch was being honest.

John couldn't sleep, but laid there till seven then got up, showered and started making his way.


	3. Chapter 3

John arrived at the diner and found a seat in the far corner. He knew Finch would want privacy. He ordered a coffee and sat waiting, still wondering what Finch would have to say. His defenses were up, and at the first moment he thought Finch was messing around, he would leave

"Good morning, John. Thanks for coming." Came a voice bringing him back.

He turned, "Morning, Finch." He said as Finch slid into the booth, across from him.

"I didn't think you were here, but Leah said you were up this end."

John just nodded. He didn't have anything to say to him.

"Right. Well thank you for coming." said Finch, clearly pausing for a response.

"I'm not here to talk, Harold, I'm here to listen. I said my bit the other day."

Finch looked down at his hands.

"Tea for you today?" Came a female voice.

Finch looked up at the waitress "Please,"

"I'll bring it over." She smiled and left.

"Now… I don't know where to begin." said Finch "I'm sorry my self-consciousness bothers you."

"Bothers me? Is that what you think it is? I'm about a second away from leaving. Anymore crap like that and I'm gone." John warned.

"Why does it upset you so much?" asked Finch, and John knew he meant it.

Too many years locked away left Finch unable to respond or understand some emotions.

"I have bent over backwards for you. I risked everything to work for you and I tried just as hard to get you to see I wanted and needed you, not sexually but mentally. I worked so hard then you finally, after three hard months, let me in. Let me near you, into your life, your home, your bed. I am learning about you still and I work hard to please you, but I always seem to do it wrong. How the..." John paused as the waitress returned with Finch's tea.

"There you go, sir," She said, placing the cup down. "Can I get anything else for you?"

"No, thank you," John said, and she left. "Where was I? Oh, yes. How the hell am I meant to be with you when all I do is wrong? I do romantic, I do rough, I do gentle, I do everything and I'm wrong. So I ask you what you want from me and you tell me to do nothing. So why now should I help you change yourself when I don't know you, when you can't help yourself? Huh? Tell me."

Finch mouth dropped open. "Do you really feel that bad about us?" he said, sounding sad.

"There isn't an us, its just you and me, not us. You won't let it be an 'us'."

"But I want to."

"Then change." John ordered, ready to leave.

"I... I can't see my faults though." Finch admitted, looking away from John.

"Your self hate, your paranoia. The way you say nothing during or after sex."

"But..."

"No, it's nothing more than sex. I try and try to make it more, but you don't so that's all it is." John said coldly.

He was growing upset. He could see finch was too. "Hurts, doesn't it?" He stated, knowing the answer

"Yes…It does."

After a moment of silence, John began to stand to leave. It was pointless sitting there.

"John, I need help don't I?" Finch suddenly asked, John half away out of the booth.

John sat down again. "I don't know the answer to that, only you do."

"How can I have caused such problems? We were so good, but I've messed it up." said Finch sadly again. "I...I need to go" He stood up.

"Go where?" asked John, stunned by the sudden change in Harold.

"Away from..._this_" He answered, looking straight at John. "I need to sort my problems out." Both now stood by the booth, so close that they could've hugged "John, I need to say three words, and I mean them."

"I'm listening."

"Wait for me." With that, Finch walked away, and John let him.

Wait for me, the three words that haunted him had now been spoken for him as a promise, a command with such need.

Now it haunted him again, but it was far worse. He wouldn't drink, though. He would deal with it properly and he would wait for Finch, forever if need be.

He walked home and sat in a chair, unable to move or function. Wondering if Finch was going away or if he was just making a gap between them again. He found out soon enough.

His cell rang two days later.

"Hello,"

"Mr. Reese, please attend the library." Came an electronic voice.

"What?"

"Mr. Finch is away and there is a number."

It was the Machine.

"I'm on my way." He said and hung up.

Finch is away. Where had he gone? How long would he be gone for?

He arrived at the library and it was silent. No tapping keys or kettle boiling.

"Hello, Mr. Reese," Came the same electronic voice

"Hello, Machine."

"I have a video for you. It will play while I finish obtaining details."

"Ok," A video started to play.

He saw Finch sit down and clear his throat, his face red from crying.

"John, by the time you see this I will be gone. I need to leave to change, to become a better man and lover. I have programmed the machine to work for you and you will continue with the numbers. I need to go and sort my faults out. I want to change for me, for you, and for us. As I said in the diner, wait for me, I will come back. I just hope you can wait." He paused, wiping an escaping tear. "I love you, John," The screen went blank.

"I love you too," He said as a tear escaped his own eye. Finch had never said, "I love you," before. Ever. It was always, "I care for you," or "I need you," John was shocked

"Machine?" He called.

"Yes, Mr. Reese?"

"Send that video to my cell,"

"Done."

"Thank you,"

"I've sent the case's details to your cell, Mr. Reese. Any further assistance, call."

"Thanks," And John left.


	4. Chapter 4

John sorted the number and tried to carry on with life but it was hard. Not knowing where Finch was hard. He doubted he was in New York, but he could've been anywhere.

Days turned to weeks. And then weeks turned to months.

Two months passed, and John was ill. He couldn't live without Finch. He was growing worried he would never return, that he had done as he always did – get a new alias, and start a new life.

This was killing John and he was feeling so rough, it started as a headache, then a cold, from flu to stomach cramps. He'd never felt so ill.

Laying in bed one night, he contemplated going and buying a bottle of whisky. It'd make him feel better, but what if Finch returned and he was drunk, or smelling of drink? Finch would go crazy.

He heard a noise, he jumped up, grabbed his gun and crept across the bedroom. He could hear someone in the lounge. He slowly and quietly moved the door and slid out. He could make out slightly where they were, near the kitchen counter. Then the small lamp turned on and he saw who it was.

"Finch," he said in disbelief, thinking he was dreaming.

The person turned to face him "Hi, John,"

"Finch… My God," He suddenly started to cough and put the gun in his waistband.

"John? You ok?" Finch asked, sounding concerned, and coming to his side. "Come on back to bed." He slipped John's arm over his shoulders and lead him into the bedroom.

Finch helped John into bed, then turned on the lamp. He sat next to him and handed him the water from the bedside cabinet. John drank some and Finch put it back on the nightstand.

"Are you ok now?"

"Yes…but no. I've been sick for days now, but it's ok."

"Sounds like it," Finch said sarcastically. "Neway, I didn't mean to scare you or for you to see me."

"Your not going away again?" John demanded, looking at Finch with pleading eyes. "Please, no."

"Shhh," calmed Finch as he stroked John's cheek. "I'm back. I promise. I just wanted to leave a note for you to meet me tomorrow. I haven't got my cell phone back yet."

"But why stop by? Why not wait?"

Finch moved his hand from John's cheek and looked away. "My demons were telling me you were in bed with someone else so I had to be sure. I'm sorry."

"Your demons?" inquired John, unsure he'd like the answer.

"Yes. I'll explain tomorrow, but I knew you wouldn't be. I knew that as I asked you to wait, you would, forever if need be. Neway, you need to rest. Are you taking anything for this cold?"

"No,"

"Didn't think so. Mr. Solider as usual." He smiled "I'll pick up something tomorrow for it. I'll come by at nine and we can go out, to talk. Sound ok?" Finch smiled, a smile John loved and had missed

"You don't want to stay?" he asked, hopeful.

"I'd love to, but we need to talk. So nine tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that's fine. See you tomorrow." John said, lying down.

"Sleep tight now, my solider." Finch urged and kissed John on the forehead, then quietly left.

John heard the front door shut and his mind went quiet for the first time and he drifted off into a peaceful, deep sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

John woke around eight and felt good, his head didn't hurt, no stomach cramps, he felt hungry and not so full of cold. He stood and stretched. He was ready for the day and happy to be seeing Finch. He sorted out some clothes to wear, then went into the bathroom to shower.

He wondered if Finch was changed, where he'd been, and, _if_ he was changed, would he still want him.

Of course he'd still want John, or he wouldn't have stopped by and kissed him on the head as he left. He got out and went back to the bedroom; he got dressed on the bottom half, and then carried his shirt back to the bathroom where he finished getting ready. Body spray, after shave, gel in hair, then shirt on, he looked in the long mirror and smiled. He was all ready for his 'chat' with the – hopefully - new Finch. He stepped out the bathroom and jumped.

Sitting on the sofa was Finch.

"I'm early. Sorry, I let myself in." He said, smiling.

"Using my method?" John accused teasingly.

"Yes. It works for me until I can get a key." He winked.

"I'll remember that." John noted. "I'll just grab my jacket."

He went back to the bedroom; he put on his leather jacket and stepped back out. "Right. I'm ready." He said.

"Good. Take these before we go." Finch ordered. "Umm, you smell amazing." He complimented as John walked to him, taking the tablet box he held out for him.

"It's the one you bought me ages ago."

"Mmm..." moaned Finch, grabbing John's arm and easing himself up to John's neck. "Smells amazing on you. You should use it more often." He said and eased himself down again.

"I do. Everyday, but you never notice." John stated, enjoying Finch's closeness.

"Well, I shall make sure I notice now." Finch smiled.

John retreated to the kitchen and took two tablets of the medicine Finch had handed him.

"They should make you feel much better. How are you today? I forgot to ask."

"I'm ok; no headache or stomach cramps. Colds not bad and, yes, I slept like a baby."

"Good,"

John gulped down the tablets and put the cup in the sink.

"Come on, then," said Finch, opening the door.

John followed him out and locked the door behind them.

"Where are we going?" John asked.

"I'm not sure. Shall we go to the park? Get a drink on the way?" Finch suggested.

"Sounds nice," And they started to walk along.

John very quickly noticed how confident Finch was, and he didn't seem as conscious as before. He wasn't sure he liked it.

Finch slowed down by a tea stand. "Shall we get drinks here?" He asked.

"I don't mind,"

Finch ordered and paid while John stood, just looking at him.

"I still look like me. That hasn't changed" Finch appeased.

"So I see… Thanks." John said, as Finch handed him his coffee.

They walked again in silence to the park.

"Let's sit near the middle. Get some privacy." said Finch.

"Ok," said John.

"You can talk to me you know?" said Finch.

"I know I can, but I'm waiting."

"Waiting for what?" Finch asked, taking John's hand and sitting down.

John sat beside him. "To see what you have to say."

"I have a lot to say." Finch smiled, still holding John's hand, which was unbeknown for Finch to do out in public.

"Well, John" said Finch, taking a sip of tea. "Firstly, I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry I put us through so much before I got help." He paused, waiting for John.

"Its ok. I'm sorry I let it go on for so long."

"I went away to a retreat; I've known about it for years but never went. I helped open it and I help by anonymously funding them, so I knew where to go. They don't ask for names or details they just help those who need it. Like I did."

John nodded, he actually went away to get help and spoke of his feelings to a stranger.

"I spoke a little to the helpers, but I mostly went to the self help lessons. And, yes, I learned a lot about my faults and how to rectify the damage I have done, to myself, to you and to what we had."

John sat stunned, Finch never was like this, and it almost scared him.

"You have to bear with me for now. I need to say this, then I will be back to normal, but the way they talk rubs off on you. But yes, where was I... Uh, yes. Being on my own never bothered me and I grew used to my own ways, my own self image, I didn't have anyone to tell me otherwise, that's why I never listened to you. These are my demons, always in my ear, always there whispering lies, making me insecure. My demons and thought of myself won't just go away, but I need your help working on it, I can't do it on my own. I don't ask for help easily."

"I know you don't, and I will help."

"I love our time together; I appreciate what you do for me, romantic meals, gifts, rose petals in the bed. I really do love all that, but I don't know how to tell you. And when we..." He paused, shy. "make love...it fills me with the deep feeling of love and I can't tell you, I can't find the words to. I actually don't know the words. I'd love to tell you so I need help to learn the words." Finch stroked John's cheek. "I want to be a better man and be what we both need me to be. Will you help me, honestly?"

John was overwhelmed with emotions and the tears he'd held back started to escape and run down his face. Finch wiped them away then leant in and kissed him. John kissed him, then pulled back

"I will help you, but you need to help me too."

"In what way?"

"I need to know how far I can go with compliments and gestures."

"Can we be back together?"

It wasn't what John expected as a reply. "…If you feel you can."

"John you left me, it's up to you."

It was indeed very true. "Yes, we can try again."

"Good. In reply to you, we will start from the beginning again and we can work up to proper compliments. How does that sound?"

"Great," said John. He put down his cup, then took Finch's placed it with his and pulled Finch into his arms. Holding his lover against him was amazing, then Finch snaked his arms around John's shoulders. He felt safe, loved. He felt at home again.

"I'm sorry I ruined what we had before." Finch said near John's ear.

"You didn't ruin it, Harold. I expected too much and lost my nerve with waiting."

It went silent, but they continued to hold each other.

"John?"

"Yes?"

Finch pulled back and looked straight at John. "I love you."

John was stunned. Finch had never said anything like this before in person, only on his leaving video.

"I love you too," John paused. "While we were apart, and you were gone, I was thinking about myself. I need to change too. I expect too much of you and its too high, as of now I will take it slower with you and not set expectations."

"So we've both changed, for the better?"

"It appears so. Oh, and when I said it was just sex between us - that was crap. That comment has haunted me. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Now enough of the past. Are you hungry?"

"A little,"

"Come on. Breakfast, then home"

"Home?" inquired John.

"Yes. My home. We're starting properly, and I'd like to spend sometime with you. That ok?"

"Perfect," John said, standing.

Finch followed suit and took his hand. "C'mon, then," And he lead John across the park.


	6. Chapter 6

Once they arrived at the diner they sat in their usual seats in the same booth they had sat in when they argued and finch left for the bathroom. John sat looking out the window; it was a lovely day outside. Finch retuned

"You ok john"

John smiled and rested his hands on the table admiring the new amazing man across from him, who he loved so much "yes I'm fine"

"Good" and finch reached across taking his hands "what you having today?"

John was stunned by the gesture and wasn't sure what he did want "my usual" was all he managed rubbing his thumbs across finch's hands

"Uh my two favourite gentlemen, happy and together again I see, I must say I'm so glad. You two are so cute together"

Both looked up where the voice came from, it was Leah the waitress

"Morning" smiled finch "and yes were much happier now"

"So I see. Usual today?" she asked

"Please"

"Ok they'll be right up" and she left

Both finch and john laughed, it's so funny how she reacted to them.

"So what's next after breakfast?" asked john stunned he was still holding finch's hands

"I was thinking home and... Umm... Snuggles" he smiled, john knew it was an uneasy smile

"Don't force it out, it looks unnatural" john smiled back

"Sorry"

"No don't be sorry its fine, your just trying to hard, and I won't reject you"

"Ok" smiled finch a bit easier "so can we go home for snuggles?" a new smile

"Much better. Of course we can, I've missed our snuggles and I've realised its hard to sleep alone after a long Tim of being with someone"

Finch smiled "I found that too. I love when you snuggle me in your strong arms"

John was stunned, a compliment and an admission of a like but this was a new finch.

"I'm glad you like it" was all john managed

They just sat looking at each other with a new intensity; it was fresh and loving, full of hope and potential

"One green tea and one coffee. Foods coming" suddenly came Leah's voice both jumped

"Thank you" john said as she walked away

Reluctantly john let go of finch's hands and sat back ready for his food.

They ate in silence, just smiling now and again at each other

"Shall we get the car to take us home?" asked finch

"Yeah, ok"

Finch got out his cell "I'm just going to call for the car" and he walked away

John finished his coffee looking out the window, he heard finch approach and sit down, he looked sad

"What's wrong?" asked john

"John I have to tell you leaving here that day was awful, I cried the whole way to the library then I knew I had to change. I was so scared coming back that you wouldn't have wait for me, and you'd of found someone else. I won't lie. But leaving here now it all starts again, we forget what went on before now"

Finch's words still stunned john, it was so different to the hard finch he was with before

"Yes that's fine" he paused and finch smiled "I was scared you would never come back, that you'd leave me with the machine and never return. I was terrified of a life alone, again. I know I should have trusted you"

Finch nodded, john nodded

"Here's your bill gentlemen" came Leah's voice breaking the moment.

Finch paid and they walked out hand in hand just as the car pulled up.

The journey home was silent, john was lost in thought, he was desperate to kiss finch again, but more seriously but didn't know if that would be acceptable as they were starting again, but he was happy at the thought of snuggling up with him very soon.

"John?" suddenly came finch's voice

John turned "yes"

"Did I disturb your thinking?"

"No, its fine"

"Ok, I..." he paused "I feel stupid but..." he paused again

John wasn't sure he liked this sudden change; finch had been so sure and happy before

"Uh whatever" said finch as he slid across the chair and captured johns lips with his.

John instantly responded, kissing him back and he slid his hand up to finch's neck holding him. Then he pulled back resting his forehead on finch's

"You have no idea how much I wanted and needed that" whispered john

"I know, I felt it too" and finch moved capturing his lips again

This all stunned john, finch had never been the one to instigate anything and now he was the one pulling john into kissed, then john felt it, finch's tongue on his lips and he let him in. John melted into the kiss, he couldn't believe he felt so amazing and it was all finch's doing, the love, the passion was all coming from him.

Finch pulled back and cupped johns cheek "you are an amazing man Mr Reece and I am lucky to have you. I love you"

John wasn't used to hearing that yet but easily returned it "I love you too. But where did that kiss come from?"

"My everything created that kiss"

John just nodded and smiled

"When we get home I'm thinking... We have a sit in the garden as it's a nice day, then dinner, some wine... Umm... Early to bed" said finch

John jut nodded again stunned, finch never usually took the lead with ideas

"You've not enjoyed the garden yet" added finch

"No, no I haven't"

"We could sit in the sun house; it's got an amazing sofa in it so we can properly snuggle up"

"Ok" said john amazed

"John, honey you don't have to look so stunned when I say things, it gives the impression it's a bad thing"

"No it's not a bad thing, not at all. Ill try being more natural. But yes sitting in the garden sounds nice"

The arrived at the house and finch led john inside

"I want to change before we go into the garden" said finch

"Ok" said john

"Come up with me" said finch pulling john's hand which he was still holding

John wasn't sure he should, it was the bedroom, with a bed, and should he really do it? "Yes ok, lead on"

Finch smiled and lead him up.

"I have a surprise for you" said finch stopping at the door "close your eyes"

John did and he heard finch open the door pulling him inside "open" said finch and john did

What was before him amazed him, the bed was covered in a beautiful purple silk looking duvet set, a dressing gown laid on the bed with matching coloured slippers.

Finch let go of johns hands and moved behind him, wrapping his arms around john's middle,

"That's your side of the bed now, and they are yours to keep here for when you stay. The closet there is for your things and the present on the cabinet is yours too"

John turned and pulled finch into his arms "you did all this for me?" he felt so overwhelmed with emotions

"Yes and for us. I want you here more often, to be a bigger part of my life"

"Thank you" said john and he pulled him into his lips "I love you" and he let go of him "so what's the present on the cabinet?" he teased

"Go open it" said finch

John turned and received a slap on the butt, he turned and tried to scowl but couldn't and both smiled

"John I'm sorry but your butts to tight to not slap" teased finch

"You like it then?" said john walking to the bed, swaying his hips

"Of course. But now I'm gonna grab it more"

"Good" said john sitting on the bed

John found a small package wrapped in blue paper, he was expecting it to be a ring but decided to open it before he judged the size

"Its nothing amazing" said finch walking across and sat next to him

"It's from you so ill love it"

He got the paper off and it was a ring box, he opened it to find a stone, he picked it up and saw writing on it

"It's a promise stone"

John nodded "and what does it mean?"

"It's all the promises I will make to you, and in giving it to you I swear I will keep them all" said finch cupping johns hand with the stone in it

"What promises?"

"That I will always love you and I promise I will never be the man I was before" and finch leant in kissed john

"Thank you. Did you do this at the retreat?"

"Yes I did. Is it pathetic?"

"No, not at all. Its..." john suddenly felt tears forming

"John what's wrong?" said finch

"You've changed so much and... I'm still the same me, I've not changed"

"But you have" smiled finch

"How have I?" john felt stupid and bad that he had made finch change but he hadn't

"There are no expectations on me, your letting me takes the lead and I don't feel pressured to do or say anything. Your letting me be me"

"Really?" john was surprised in doing nothing it was good and making finch happy

"Yes really, now please don't cry" said finch wiping away an escaping tear

"Ok, but only if you kiss me" he teased and finch did.

"now I need to change" said finch standing up "your running clothes are clean in your closet if you want to change into them as its warm outside"

John smiled "thank you".


	7. Chapter 7

John stayed sat looking at the stone; it meant so much between them and all in a small stone

"John honey, can you come here please?" came finch's voice bringing john back from his thinking

"Yeah" he put the stone in the box and put in on the bed side cabinet then stood up.

He turned and finch was still dressed

"Come sit here, please" said finch patting the bed near him

"Ok" said john unsure why, he walked across and sat down

"Thank you" said finch as he turned to his closet

John just sat guessing finch had a reason to ask him to do this so he would he patient and knew he would soon find out. Finch turned from the closet and faced john, he slowly started to undo his waist coat buttons, and he slipped it off then undid the cuff buttons on his shirt then started to undo his shirt buttons. This lit johns fire he hadn't experienced finch so confident and he would never have done this in front of john before, but john had to maintain control and stay sat down. With all the buttons undone finch pulled it off to reveal his naked upper body, john had to take a deep breath it had been sometime since he'd been around finch and all his feelings and needs for him remained.

"Can you guess which part of my top half I like best?" asked finch stepping closer to john

John placed his hands by his sides and made tight fists, he so wanted to grab finch and throw him on the bed, but clearly he had his reasons for doing what he was doing, he thought on the question then answered "I don't know, your neck" he guessed as had no idea, till now he was sure finch hated all of himself

"Why neck?"

"As its sensitive"

"Good answer but no, its here" he said patting his stomach "I spent ages loosing weight and now I can maintain it, and it's tighter than ever" he said smiling

John smiled but his knuckles were turning white, he was desperate to touch him

"You ok john?" asked finch brushing john cheek

"Yes, fine" he said, trying to sound calm

"Right, so its white knuckles when your fine now is it?" he smiled and giggled

John just shrugged

"Do you like my body?" asked finch moving a little away again

"Of course I do" replied john surprised by the question "why you asking me that?"

"I just like to hear it, you've never told me before"

John stopped and thought back, he realised he never had, he'd never taken time to examine finch body for fear it would upset him

"No I never did, I never got to look at your body properly"

"Well now you can and I want you to" said finch

Undoing his belt, pulling it through and placing it on the dresser "can I do the same with you?" he asked

"Can you what?" asked john trying to take his mind off the situation

"Examine your body? I've never really looked at you either, only your eyes"

"My eyes?"

"Yes I like your eyes, they show me so much"

John smiled "of course you can examine my body too" he paused "I like your hair" it came out and he was unsure of the reaction he'd get

"My hair? Why?"

"Because... I like how it sits in a spike, how it feels and its cute" he said the expected him to stop undressing and walk away

"Thank you, I don't like my hair much, I like yours though. It's always so short and soft" he said undoing his button and zip then he let his pants drop and he stepped out of them.

That was it john couldn't look at him anymore, he looked away

"John?" cane finch's voice

John didn't want to upset him but the urge to grab him was too much "yes Harold"

"Something wrong with me?" john heard the weakness

"No... It's just..." he paused how could he word it? "its just I am so desperate to touch you but I know were not rushing into anything" he felt finch's hand on his chin pulling him to face him "I adore your body and its hard to resist" he said as he looked straight at him,

Now stood in just his boxers and socks

"Thank you for your honesty" was all he said as he leant in and kissed him "I'm glad you still feel that way about me"

John gave up and grabbed him "that will never change" and he hugged him with his arms tucked around his lower back.

It was finch that pulled back "I love you" he said and turned to his closet "are you changing for the sun?" he said pulling on some short pants

"Yes, yes I am" and he stood, brushed his hand along finch's back and went to the closet, his closet.

He opened the door and was greeted by lots of clothes neatly hung, but no gym kit, he turned to ask finch when he felt arms around his middle

"All this is yours" said finch

"Really?" asked john stunned by the amount of clothes

"Yes again I want you here more and it saves journeys back and fourth to the apartment"

"Thank you but..." he paused "I don't deserve all this"

"Yes you do, you give me so much and you've made me a better man. Neway I didn't do it to repay you, I did it to make you feel more at home in my house"

"Thank you" he smiled then looked at the closet

"Now what shall I wear?" john asked himself

Finch let go and sat on the bed as john looked through the clothes, he found a t-shirt and pair of shorts.

He turned to finch "is it my turn for an audience as I change?"

"I'd like that, if it's alright with you" said finch almost shyly

John moved forward and cupped his cheek "this body is yours as well as mine, and I'd like you to watch"

Finch just nodded and wriggled till he was comfortable on the bed.

John took a deep breath and started to undo the buttons on his cuffs then started on his shirt, he looked up and finch was wriggling on the bed

"You ok Harold?" john teased

"Umm yes just fine" he answered

John chuckled "do you know which part of my top half I like?"

"No"

"Guess" urged john

"Umm... Chest"

"No, my shoulders and arms" and he tensed them, showing his muscles,

Finch took a deep breath and wriggled again

"You like that then?" he teased

"Yes, more so when there around me"

"Like this?" john stepped forward and took him in his arms

Finch sighed and wrapped his arms around johns neck "I love you" he whispered in johns ear "but you are a tease"

"Don't I know it? I love you too" and he pulled back but finch kept hold of him, "how can I get ready to go in the garden if your attached to my neck?"

Finch laughed then let go.

John stepped back again and started to undo his pants, he let them drop not taking his eyes off finch, who again was wriggling. John saw all this as a good sign and that finch found him as appealing as he did him. He kicked his pants off and turned around; bending down to pick them up making sure he stuck his butt out.

He stood and finch was looking away "everything ok?" he teased

"Yes I'm just desperate to throw you on this bed and kiss you to death"

John was stunned by this "wow" came out which he didn't intended it to "sorry that was bad, it wasn't meant to come out. I'd love that, but later"

"Ill hold to that sexy Mr Reece" smiled finch looking back.

John the dressed and took finch's hand as he lead him downstairs towards the kitchen, then garden.


	8. Chapter 8

Once outside the back door John realised how big the garden was "it's huge"

"Why thank you" said Finch clearly being cheeky

"I meant the garden" said John

Finch just laughed "now shall we sit in the sun house?"

John nodded and Finch leads him to the sun house, it again was big and had two large sofas in it and a table.

"I'm gonna lie here, you lying with me?" said Finch

"I'd like that"

As he said Finch moved a cushion to support his back laid down with his back on the arm and John laid on his front on him, head on his chest

"Comfortable?" asked John

"Perfectly. And thank you"

"For what?"

"Being with me like this" he said stroking John's cheek

"I love being like this with you but you'd never do it before, well you did but not for long"

"Well I intend to lay here for a while"

They made small talk and laughed a lot

"I'm thirst, want a drink John?" offered Finch

"Ill get them for us. In the fridge?"

"Yes, there's allsorts in there, I'll have anything"

"Ok" John moved up and kissed him then walked across the garden back to the house.

John was amazed and how quickly finch had changed around him, he was vocal and confident with everything.

He arrived at the fridge and found two cokes; he poured them into glasses with ice then went back outside.

He arrived at the sun house and saw Finch; it looked like he was laid out on the sofa topless. John shook his head and moved further round, he was laid topless, glasses on the table, eyes closed. John didn't know what to do, jump him was his initial thought, but knew not to, so he placed the glasses on the table

"Here you go" he said and slid Finch's towards him

"Thank you" Finch replied opening his eyes a little

John remained stood and drank some of his drink then sat on the sofa next to the one Finch was on, he watched as he drank some of his drank and laid back again, closing his eyes.

John couldn't take his eyes off Finch's small, untoned, amazing chest, he wanted to touch him, and he needed to kiss him. Finch had seemed ok with john so he decided it would be fine to go to him, it wasn't that hot in the sun house, clearly he had taken his top off for a reason, for attention.

He placed his cup on the table and slowly walked over to him; he knelt on the sofa with one leg and run a hand up his bare leg, causing a small squirm, a good reaction. John smiled and slid his hand higher, over finch's chest, again more wriggling, this made him very happy, he got up to top of finch's chest when his eyes flew open

"John?" he said looking straight at him

"Yes?" he smiled running his hand back down but it was grabbed

"What are you doing?"

John wasn't sure what this reaction was "umm, what does it feel like?"

"But why?"

"Why? what? Why am I touching you?"

"Yes, we said time"

John pulled his hand away quickly and sat on the other sofa "you don't want me to touch you?"

"Not yet, and not when I'm asleep"

John was stunned "you were asleep? God Harold I'm sorry, I didn't think you were asleep"

Finch just nodded, and John could have died.

He needed to get away, especially when Finch reached behind him for his t-shirt, john stood and walked out.

He wandered around the garden then sat down on a small mound, he felt awful. How had he been so forward? Was it a test? So much flooded his mind.

John sat for what felt forever, he had to go apologise and see if he could make it up to Finch, he needed him and couldn't have more problems, and he'd just got him back, so he stood up and marched back to the sun house.

He looked inside, no Finch, so he walked back inside as he passed through the kitchen he was Mrs P the house keeper

"Afternoon Mrs P" called john

She stepped out "hello Mr J"

To john she looked puzzled so he asked "didn't you know I was here?"

"No... Umm... I did not, no"

Still looking puzzled he asked another question "What's wrong?"

"Its nothing, I'd be speaking out of line sir?"

John hated the sir approach "its not with me, I'm not your boss. What's wrong?"

"It's... Its mr h" she whispered stepping nearer john "He's been acting very odd these last two days. I saw him one minute and he's chatty, next he looks at me like I'm a stranger"

It struck john that Finch had been odd "go on" he urged

"It's like he's two different men. I know he has his moments but this is hours apart, your mood can't flip that quick"

"No it can't" it hit John, Finch had been very unlike himself

She just nodded "I hope he's ok"

John was upset now and needed to check this theory out "don't worry Mrs P I'll check on him. Thank you"

"No thank you sir" and she walked back to the sink.

John made his way to the lounge

"He went to his bedroom" called Mrs P from the kitchen

John nodded and made his way upstairs, he stopped by the bedroom door and peaked in, no one was inside.

He stepped in and went to his closet where he pulled his gun from his jacket pocket, tucked it in his waist band and made his way to he en suite door.

He listened he could hear water running, he gently opened the door and stepped in, he could clearly see the back of Finch but something was wrong, very wrong.


	9. Chapter 9

John could hardly believe his eyes, he could clearly see a large tattoo, old and discoloured on the bottom of his back, Finch didn't have a tattoo, this wasn't Finch.

John quickly drew his gun,"turn the water off now" he shouted,

the man in the shower jumped and turned around

"now" John demanded

The man did as told, John felt sick holding finch at gun point but this wasn't Finch.

John handed him a towel "cover up and get out"

The man did "John... Look..."

"don't fucking John me. Who the hell are you?"

The man shook his head

"answer me or I will kill you"

"OK... OK" said the man raising his hands "I'm Ed, Harold older brother"

"brother?" repeated John

"yes"

John was annoyed and upset "why are you here? Impersonating him?"

"Harold turned up at my retreat in a awful state, saying he needed help so my wife and I helped him. But it was taking time and he knew you we're ill without him around. So..." Ed rubbed his face "so he paid me to come back and be him for a short while"

"paid you? Your here playing your gay brother for money?"

Ed nodded "yes. Sick I know but yes"

"where the hell is he now?" John needed to have it out with Finch not this man

"I don't know"

"you got an ear piece?"

"yes on the bedside cabinet"

"right walk through with me" said John still holding Ed and gun point

As told Ed walked through "you must know its not been me all the time you have been around with him as well"

"I don't care" they arrived at the bed "sit there and don't move"

John saw the ear piece on the bed side cabinet, he walked across still holding his gun up. he placed it in and tapped it

"nice shower?" came the familiar voice

It burnt John "no it was awful, I got caught out by John, he saw my tattoo and now he's very pissed off, got me at gun point"

Silence fell

"now I suggest you get into this fucking bedroom right now before I kill him and then you"

Silence

"do not fuck with me"

"I'm not" came Finch voice at the door

John turned seeing Finch made him feel sick, he'd been betrayed many times but this was on a whole new level, words failed him

"John put the gun down and we can talk"

"no" said John,

"John please"

"no fuck you, ill put it down when I'm ready to"

"fine...OK..." said Finch looking at his feet

"uh uncomfortable Finch? Good cos so am I..."

Finch looked up, John knew he hadn't changed he wasn't the man John had spent all day with, it hurt him

"why did you do this to us? Huh tell me? Did you get some sort of sick enjoyment out of watching me with him?"

"no of course not"

"then why? He's given me a reason but I want to hear it from you"

"I... John I... I have cameras in the library and I could see how ill you were, so I needed to come back but I'm not ready"

"then why come back? Why not call and tell me this? Given me something"

"I didn't think it would work. I was scared you wouldn't wait any longer or that you'd turn to drink"

"I'd of waited forever for you"

"would you?" said Finch looking at his feet again

"do not question me and my honesty. You've betrayed me and its worst than I've ever had, I thought you loved me"

It fell silent

"do I still need to be here? listening to this?" said Ed

John moved his gun down and sat it on the bed

"Finch?"

"Ed here" said Finch taking an envelope from his inside pocket,

Ed turned to John "can I go?"

"yes, go" said John watching Finch at the doorway

Ed stood and walked to Finch, he took the envelope

"were still here for you, and him if he needs it"

"thank you" said Finch pulling him into him, they hugged "your clothes are in the wardrobe"

"OK" said Ed and turned "bye John"

John just looked at them watching the exchange, wanting so much to hurt Finch, it hurt him but it wouldn't help to hurt him physically. He just nodded to Ed and watched him leave the room, he wondered what would come next then Finch stepped into the room and just looked at his feet, John could see and feel how ashamed Finch felt but it didn't make him feel any better.

After a few moments Finch spoke "John... I have been so foolish again, haven't I?"

"foolish? That's all you call this? Your..." John was now so angry he could of struck Finch and kept striking him "your not worth my time if that's all you can think this is... I'm amazed at... Your even worse now than when you left. I'm leaving" John marched across the room aiming for the door

Finch stepped in front and stopped him"no John please"

"Finch..." John took a breath, he could so easily strike him, his hand clenched in a fist

Suddenly the door opened "Harold... Oh.." he paused "John don't do it. Harold step away from him now... Don't battle him... Not now" came Ed's voice

John took another breath but he couldn't unclench his fist

"I can't let him go" said Finch sounding weak

"Harold you have to step back and let him go"

John moved back a little and stepped around him, then he saw Ed stood at the door in jogging bottoms, trainers and a hood top, he passed him "thank you" and he walked downstairs.

At the bottom he could see Mrs P, she turned "you OK sir?"

That was it he broke into tears "I'm fine" he sniffed

"looks and sounds it sir. Who's upstairs with Mr H now?"

"his older brother" said John wiping his face

"his brother? Oh god... So there has been two different men?"

"yes. I've gotta go"

"yes go, bye sir"

"bye" and he walked out the door.

John stood on the steps wanting to go back in, to do what he wasn't sure. Hit Finch, kiss Finch or just make love to him but all were a bad idea so he walked down the steps

"lift into town sir?" offered the young driver

"please"

And the driver opened the door for him. Sat inside all he did was cry, he loved Finch so much but he had betrayed him, them and himself. John needed to drown this all away, he looked out and was near a bar he'd been a few times

"driver" he called

The screen came down "yes sir"

"drop me here please"

"OK" said the driver and he pulled in.

"thank you" said John letting himself out

"wait sir" called the driver and John walked towards the drivers window "Mr H dropped this from the window for me to give you" and he handed him his wallet

"thank you"

"call if you need a lift later"

"thanks but I doubt it" then he walked into the bar.


	10. Chapter 10

John strolled into the bar, it was dark and dingy, just how he felt inside. He walked to the bar and sat down, he was alone at the bar and glad, all he needed now was a drink.

The bar tender came up "uhh long long time no see, how's you doing boy?"

John recognised him "hey, doing shit actually. You?"

"same. I thought you'd died" he laughed, so did John

"I'm not that lucky"

"so your usual and a lot of it?"

John smiled "yes... defiantly need it today"

The bar tender smiled and got a glass set it in front of John the got a new bottle of whisky "doubles at a time?"

"as always" said John.

Glass after glass vanished, and he grew fuzzy but the pain remained.

He sat with his elbows on the bar and rubbed his face, when he heard the door open, then a hand on his shoulder, he didn't have the energy to turn

"hey John man... Come on what you doing in here? Alone? I'd of come drowned with you if you'd called" it was Frisco

"hello Lionel. How did you find me?"

"I got a call, saying you'd gone off and no GPS signal, so I knew you'd be this part of town. And I got lucky"

John just nodded and Frisco sat down

"I'm guessing you had a row with the little guy" said Frisco

"something like that"

"wanna talk about it?"

John looked up at him, trying to work out if he knew he was with Finch and not just work partners

Frisco leant into John "I know you were with him and had problems. And its cool" he moved back looked around then back to his ear "my best mate from college is... Gay"

John nodded "I can't talk yet. Drink?" offered John

"yeah I'm off the next few days" said Frisco turning to the bar.

John got him a drink and they sat just staring into space

"what did he say when he called?" suddenly asked John

"sorry" said Frisco clearly miles away

"I said what did he say when he called?" repeated John

"uh yeah, he sounded upset, said you'd rowed and he couldn't reach you. Said he was worried you'd gone complete AWOL on him, so I said I'd look for you"

"hmm... Upset... Fucking idiot... I almost smacked him one.. Till Ed got in the way.." said John feeling angry again

"who's Ed?"

"I am" came another voice, a voice John knew

He swung around on his chair, stood before him was Ed, hood up "fuck off Ed, I do not need you or your shit..." said John,

"John... What the hell?" said Frisco "that's the little

guy"

"no its not its his brother and has been Finch for the last few days. Impersonating him, fucking shit" John swung back round looking at Ed made him feel sick

"what? Come off it... Really?" said Frisco

"yes really but only at small periods of time, he needs more help but said he had to come back, and John wouldn't take him back if he wasn't changed" said Ed

John stood up but stumbled "do not blame me, you know fuck all about me, about Finch or what we had. Do not analyse me"

"I'm not, I only go by what he told me"

"one sided shit... Yeah" said John he needed to get away from Ed before he hit him

"John come on let's get outta here and go talk nice with Ed?" said Frisco grabbing Johns jacket

"why?" he demanded

"let's get in my car away from ears before we get beat, yeah?"

John looked around, lots of men were looking at them and he was in no state to fight "yeah let's" and he walked out.

Soon in the car John sat in the back sprawled out on the seat with Frisco and Ed in front.

"can we go get coffee?" asked Ed

"whatever" said John, he didn't care about anything any more

"OK" said Frisco and drove them across town.

They made small talk but John didn't listen even when he heard his name

"come on out we get" said Frisco opening the door for John

He rolled out and looked at the diner "I don't want to be here" he said unhappy

"why John? Its the diner you like" said Ed

"yeah being with Harold I do, not anyone else" he suddenly felt tearful and missed him

"but this is to help you and him, come on we can talk" said Ed arm out stretched

John nodded and walked in, he passed the booth he'd sat in earlier with Finch or was it Ed and went to another he'd never sat in before. He slid in and Ed sat opposite him, Frisco stayed stood

"sit with me" said John thinking if he was next to him he's less likely to jump and attack Ed

"you sure?" asked Frisco

"yes"

He nodded and sat down. They ordered drinks and John just sat looking out the window

"John" came eds voice

"you sound only a little different to your brother" stated John not turning

"well that's good cos I'm not Harold"

John turned "no, no your not so how did you pull this off?"

He wanted to know

"he was in my ear when I was with you, I just did as he told me to, in his words"

"so when was I with him? The actual him"

Ed sighed and looked at Frisco "he was with you last night, and this morning till you got here then he made me swap, umm... When he called the car we swapped again, when he told you how he felt leaving here that day, that was him in his own words. it was him in the car and bedroom with you... Then... Umm... Yeah I was the topless one in the garden when it all went wrong"

"your telling me" John was angry again

"he called me down to the garden, said he was going inside to find you and keep you inside, that I could rest in the garden. I was laid on topless when you came out, I jumped as expected it to be... Umm.. The house lady. Then I freaked, you run off, we thought you'd left, that's why I was in the shower. Harold was in his study crying"

"wait so you've been pretending to be Harold while he's been listening and watching, till he could manage himself? What the hell? No wonder your pissed" said Frisco

John ignored him, he needed answers "but why did you help him do all this? I don't understand" said John

"you'll have to talk to him"

"I can't face him, I feel sick"

"so is all this effort in vain? Its all gone. If you feel anything for him you will try to understand and go see him"

John just shook his head, it was so true, he did love Finch but all this was a mess, could it be repaired?

"John when we were in here, all that I did and said was what I was told to do and say, he can't do those things himself but he wants to he able to. He scared he will do something like... Reach across and hold your hands, he fears you will reject him and he will be publicly humiliated. He's scared of people but not you, it takes a lot for him to trust, it took almost a month with me for him to say your name to me. Harold loves you but he needs help and work, but not from us, he needs you"

John nodded and got out his cell, he scrolled through 'car's

"afternoon sir, require a lift?" came the young drivers voice

"yes to wherever Mr H is"

"home then sir. See you soon"

"bye" and he hung up "right let me out" he said

Lionel looked at Ed who nodded and he moved

"I'm going home... Home to love my imperfect partner and to help him" and he walked out.

The air hit him and his head spun, he was grabbed

"right I need to be sure of one thing before I let you get into any car" it was Frisco

"what's that?"

"are you going to hurt him? I don't wanna see or hear he's been hurt, ill have you firstly I will hurt you, well try then ill have you straight up for domestic violence, I don't care"

John smiled at his sincerity

"I'm not joking John I mean it"

John patted his arm "I know you are and no I don't want to hurt him. I love him, imperfections and all"

Frisco nodded

John saw Ed appear hood up again "Ed do you not wear glasses?" he asked, only just realising he'd not seen him wear any

"no I don't"

John nodded "thanks so much Ed. I'm sorry about earlier"

"its fine John" he stuck his hand out and John shook it "its forgotten. Just please love my brother"

"I will" he saw the car pulling up "gotta go. Bye"

He climbed in and waved as he shut the door.


	11. Chapter 11

John sat on the way wondering what to say or do when he got back, it was a mess but he could see most of it was him with encouragement, only once was it not him in a close situation. He decided to not think and just go with the flow when he saw him, with the drink fading he knew he'd be calm. He got out the car and walked up to the door, it was opened and he stepped in, he felt funny being back but needed as quickly as possible to find Finch. He bounded upstairs and was greeted by Mrs P in the hallway dusting a unit

"hello Mr J, back so soon" she said not smiling

"yes"

"Mr H implied that you would never come back"

"well what can I say... I love him, faults and all"

"well good" she said and walked away down the hall.

John wondered what she had meant but carried on towards the bedroom, what had Finch said or done that implied he wouldn't return? Ever?

He got to the door, he could hear Finch was inside, sobbing, John rested his head on the door for a second then opened it

"oh.. God... No..." said Finch jumping up

John walked in towards him, Finch started walking backwards away from him

"John please.. I... Oh god... No"

John could hear him but had a much greater need for the lips, he saw Finch crash against the wall and John was quickly in front of him, he leant his left hand on the wall while the right went for Finch's cheek, the tears didn't suit him but Finch moved his face away and winced

"John... No.. Please.. I'm begging... Don't do it. I'm sorry I offended you but please..." and he started to sob

It hit John Finch thought he was going to hit him, he moved his hand to Finch's shoulder but he pulled away

"I'm not going to hurt you" he soothed, whispering

"aren't you?" said Finch moving a little to look at John

"no" whispered John and he moved in towards Finch again, he needed his lips

"then what are you doing?"

John could of laughed "its a funny concept I put my lips on yours and we kiss" he said wishing Finch would stop talking and let him kiss him

"but..."

John quickly caught Finch's lips with his, Finch responded but not how John expected him to, he knew to explain

"I saw Ed and I know, its forgotten now I just want to love you... So can I?" he didn't need permission but it posed his point better

"oh yes" and Finch grabbed him at the neck and pulled him into his lips.

The passion and feelings could of burnt John to the core, it meant so much, he didn't think he'd been kissed by anyone with such feeling,it blew his mind. He pulled back and rested his forehead on Finch's, then it hit him, he was changed he had just shied away for one moment which wasn't that important anyway. Then Finch moved and locked his lips with his again, running his hands along Johns chest John wanted it to be skin to skin but knew to wait. He felt Finch pushing him back and he went with him, making sure not to break kiss then his legs hit the bed, he stopped but Finch clearly had other ideas, he pulled from the kiss and pushed John causing him to fall on the bed. John wasn't sure what to do or say so stayed quiet waiting to see what Finch would do next, he didn't have to wait long Finch moved towards him and slowly knelt either side of Johns legs and eased himself on top of him then onto his lips. John was stunned, Finch was never like this with him, he never be on top, ever and here he was on top, pushing his tongue through.

John was amazed by the whole situation then Finch moved off of Johns lips and kissed his cheek

"you make me so aroused at times" he whispered then kissed down Johns neck.

He Could feel his arousal straining in his pants, but words failed John, especially when he felt his top go up and Finch's hand go onto his bare skin. He could easily of bowled him over and made love to him all night long, he felt it could go that way, he hoped it would. His aroused surged though him and took Finch's words and actions as a **I need you **so followed suit and eased Finch's top up at the back, he took a deep breath then gently put his hands on his bare skin. It felt amazing just to be feeling him again, for him to be so open and...

"umm... That's nice" moaned Finch

"it is but would be better if we were kissing" said John

Finch moved up and smiled "I could kiss you all day"

John smiled and Finch started to place gentle kisses on his lips, he could of cum there an then in his boxers, this was how he loved to be with someone he loved and it was so sensual. This was where he belong, laid out with Finch, loving, and caring for each other. John grabbed Finch at the neck and slammed his lips against his, it was rougher than he expected it to be but he didn't care, he needed Finch more than ever, the time apart had confirmed it to him he needed him, this moment was his moment with him to show how much he needed him.

He pulled back from the kiss "Harold" he whispered

"yes"

He cupped Finch's cheek "will you never, ever, leave my side again, I can't survive without you"

Finch smiled

"I mean it. I need you so much"

"then call this your home and move in with me, live with me. that way we will never be apart"

John was stunned by the reply "really?"

"yes really. I can't be without you either, as long as all this forgotten,I'd love you to live with me, here"

John could of cried, this was a huge step and was needed "then I will"

"but on days I will need time..." John felt the pause

"and so will I" he cupped his cheek "but we need to be open and honest with each other. No tuning back to the old ways"

"no I'm liking this improved me, and I want us to be happy"

John just smiled and pulled Finch back onto his lips.


End file.
